


chivas

by mcGayly (alex_marie1324)



Series: songfics [26]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, Bitterness, Break Up, Drinking, Drinking to Cope, F/M, God Complex, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Post-Break Up, Self-Esteem Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 00:18:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15206669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alex_marie1324/pseuds/mcGayly
Summary: don’t know what i saw,but i ain’t seeing it now.woke up this morning, bitterness in my mouth.guess i fell too fast,guess i learned my lesson.so much for true love,i’ll take this chivas instead.





	chivas

**Author's Note:**

> oofie i rediscovered [this beautiful song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHaEKbiEjoE) and was compelled to write a songfic for it thanks

_you’re not worth it, babe,_  
_the trouble you bring, the noise you keep,_  
_and you don't even care._

If there was one thing everybody knew about Kevin Price it was that he cared for one person and one person only.

Himself.

So, naturally, Connor McKinley found being in a relationship with him equal parts exhilarating and frustrating and tiring. Exhilarating because somehow he’d managed to do it, to convince _the_ Kevin Price to date him. Frustrating because he was always putting more into their relationship. And tiring because Kevin was always asking for even more.

And Kevin didn’t seem to care one bit. He didn’t seem to care that he’d totally drained the personality out of Connor because he was benefitting and didn’t care about other people.

_i’m so sick of you, babe._  
_nights wasted i’m through faking,_  
_you don't turn me on,_  
_you don't do anything at all._

Not even the sex could save them. Sure, it was fine, but nothing like it used to be. It used to be electric, every touch set Connor on fire, but that was because he still had his own fire in his personality. But then Kevin Price came and stole it away, leaving him numb.

Connor was sure that, again, Kevin didn’t notice. Kevin never noticed. Because it was still good for him, maybe doubly so since he had his own energy _and _Connor’s.__

____

_baby, i can't stand the sight of your face._  
_baby, i don't even want to hear your name._

After he finally ended it, Connor wiped his life entirely of Kevin Price. Deleted every picture, every text, every sign that Kevin even existed. He didn’t want to see him, to see the selfish boy- he couldn’t even be classified as a man he was so immature- who’d stolen so much of Connor’s time and love.

_don’t know what i saw,_  
_but i ain’t seeing it now._  
_woke up this morning, bitterness in my mouth._

Connor didn’t even know what drew him to a guy like Kevin in the first place. Sure, he was relatively good-looking, but it was always glaringly obvious he had a god-complex and an inflated sense of self worth. He knew that from the beginning, but used it as justification to be _happy_ that he’d managed to lock down Kevin Price. He’d captured the boy who stood so high on his pedestal.

But love shouldn’t be a game of capture the flag with two teams but only one flag. It shouldn’t be one person fighting for the other and the other laying complicity atop a tower.

_guess i fell too fast,_  
_guess i learned my lesson._

He definitely jumped into it too soon, he recognized. He was so eager to love and be loved he forgot what that really meant, and he let the way Kevin acted pass for ‘being loved’ when it wasn’t true. Kevin didn’t love anybody but himself.

_so much for true love,_  
_i’ll take this chivas instead._

Connor spent a lot of time in his now empty apartment, sitting on the couch and idly drinking something strong. And though he didn’t want to, he thought a lot about Kevin. Thought about where he went wrong.

_you’re too high maintenance, babe,_  
_all the time you spent trying to fit in,_  
_and no one even cares._

Kevin was a pain in the ass to be with in public. He was all about appearances, blinding smiles and pristine hairdos.

He refused to allow Connor to do anything even vaguely affectionate in public. Not even hand holding was okay. Connor never felt so lonely than when he was standing next to his boyfriend in a crowd of people.

And what really set Connor off towards the end of their relationship; _no one cared_. Not one person really gave a shit what image Kevin Price gave to the world because he forgot he wasn’t the center of everyone’s attention at all times.

_it’s so ridiculous babe,_  
_watching you turn as i burn._  
_it’s like you're not even there._

It wasn’t that Connor was too keen on being out, but he wanted to be able to show off his boyfriend. So he pushed himself beyond his comfort level and even told his family.

The results were less than favorable, and though he expected as much, it still stung. Connor came back to his apartment- more often shared with Kevin, though- he was a crying mess.

Kevin just told him it didn’t matter what his family thought. Connor couldn’t seem to explain to him how _yes_ , it very much _did_ matter, because it was his _family_. Even though he knew they wouldn’t be happy, their opinions did matter. Kevin just shrugged it off.

Connor felt so alone.

_baby, don't you try and hold my hand,_  
_maybe you should keep your eyes on your new girlfriend._

Kevin moved on quick and easy and shallowly. He’d never really specified his sexuality, but Connor was a bit miffed to realize he was dating some girl now. A girl Kevin very proudly was affectionate to in public. Everything about it rubbed Connor the wrong way.

And still, Kevin came over to his apartment one night and tried to kiss him. He didn’t understand why Connor rejected him. Connor didn’t have words to express his pure frustration.

_don’t know what i saw,_  
_but i ain't seeing it now._  
_woke up this morning, bitterness in my mouth._

Connor watched Kevin from the corner of his eye. He had one arm around his girlfriend and the other holding a glass, talking to one of the other ex-elders. They’d all gone out for drinks together, a daring move considering drinking used to be strictly forbidden.

_guess i fell too fast,_  
_guess i learned my lesson._

It didn’t take too long for Connor to really understand their dynamic (or what it used to be). He was extremely proud to have ‘caught’ Kevin Price and Kevin Price was ashamed to have been ‘caught’ by him. It was never so obvious as it was now, watching him laugh and smile as if nothing was wrong and his damn arm around that girl’s waist.

_so much for true love,_  
_i’ll take this chivas instead._

He eventually forced himself to look away, turning back to the bartop and ordering another drink.

_i’ll take this chivas instead,_  
_over your bed._

Drinking was more satisfying than anything Kevin Price could offer him because, while it came with the consequence of a hangover, at least it gave the rush before the crash.

_it wasn't even good,_  
_trust me._  
_i must have been so so so so lonely._  
_you are crap, yeah._

Connor eventually made up his mind to be bitter. There was no more appropriate response to how Kevin treated him and how he was now touting his new girl.

_you should keep your eyes on your new little brat._  
_it’s hard not to look, i know,_  
_i’m amazing._

With enough liquor in his body to make his vision double if he wasn’t paying attention, Connor wandered out to the crowd to find someone to chat up. He eventually ended up with a decently cute guy, smiling flirtatiously.

It was fun until he caught Kevin’s eyes on him from not so far away. He excused himself and slid past Kevin to the bathroom. A moment later Kevin walked in too.

“What the hell, Con?” Were the first words spoken between them.

Connor turned on the faucet and started to idly wash his hands. “Hm?”

“You- you were like- all over that guy!”

Connor laughed bitterly. “And this is a problem because…?” 

Kevin seemed stunned for a moment. “Be-because-” he sputtered. Connor could see him realizing why it was a problem and why he couldn’t say the reason. He shook the water off his hands.

“Goodbye, Kevin,” he said before walking out.

_i you chivas._


End file.
